Have you ever been obsessed with something that you knew was no good for you? It consumed most of your thoughts. You wanted it from the deepest parts of yourself. You couldn't rationalize your desire or talk yourself out of it. You felt weak because you didn't have control over your desires. You beat yourself up for not being stronger. Yeah, me either.
Let's dig deep down underneath this to unlock the grip. You know the grip right? That visceral feeling of longing, like a moth to a flame, so compelling and unhealthy and so satisfying. This sounds a lot like addiction. When your obsession is an unhealthy vehicle for attaining what you want, it is exactly the same as an addiction. So how do we crack the code, break the cycle, free ourselves from the grip?
There are many ways to do this but I'll give you a simple 3 step resource.
1. First of all, we need to recognize the internal conflict. The body gives you cues. Trapped energy shows up in the body. Do you have a constricted feeling...
Oh you know the what if game. That's the one where we torture ourselves with endless questions like: What if it'll never get better? What if I did the wrong thing? What if I'm wasting my time? What if I never get out of here? What if this is how it is? What if he/she never changes? What if I'm being played? What if I run out of time?
The what if game is usually accompanied by a state of panic, overwhelm, maybe shame, guilt. You might feel tension in your neck or nausea in your gut. You believe that if you think of everything, you should be able to cover your ass no matter what bad thing happens. Just when you think you've got worst case scenarios covered, you think of another one. You try to think of solutions but none are coming. It's almost as if you're in a haunted house where each floorboard you uncover leads to another one.
Why do we play this game for hours? We believe that if we think of everything, we can protect ourselves from getting blindsided, caught unaware,...