Good Vs. Evil
"You are not the victim. You need to change the victim vs. perpetrator dynamic or you'll continue to be disempowered."
This is what my therapist told me after I told her all the terrible things my ex husband did to me. What the actual f*uck?? Was it not me who was locked in the bathroom with my husband at the time banging on the door and cussing me? Was it not me who got her fingers jammed when he wrangled my phone out of them and smashed the phone in the driveway? Was it not me who was threatened to be charged with abandonment and foreclosed on if I left? Was it not me who was dependent on him to feed, clothe, and shelter my children?
How was I NOT the victim? Over the years, I've had many clients say the same thing to me. I get it. Women get together and vent about how their men mistreat them. They bond in their commiseration. They give each other advice. They don't follow it. Rinse, lather, repeat.....
So what gives? What I've come to think over the years is this: sometimes, you...
Cat and Mouse
Don't you think that if we could master the cat and mouse game, we'd master relationships? Aren't relationships simply combinations of time together and time apart? Do you know ANYONE who doesn't have issues regarding being intimate and being alone, navigating the whole push/pull dynamic. Yeh, me neither....
What if you could get super close to someone and experience complete trust, unconditional love, and a feeling of security and safety AND not take their boundaries personally and be able to communicate directly and openly about your needs, and encourage the ones you love to take care of themselves too and realize their goals? What an idea!
That, my friends, is called "secure attachment". I don't know anyone who has all of that. Some of it, yes, but not all. Want to know why? We're going to have to dive deep to answer that.
You've heard of attachment patterns but what you might not realize is that these patterns are established very early on so they run deep and might...