Good Vs. Evil

"You are not the victim. You need to change the victim vs. perpetrator dynamic or you'll continue to be disempowered."

This is what my therapist told me after I told her all the terrible things my ex husband did to me. What the actual f*uck?? Was it not me who was locked in the bathroom with my husband at the time banging on the door and cussing me? Was it not me who got her fingers jammed when he wrangled my phone out of them and smashed the phone in the driveway? Was it not me who was threatened to be charged with abandonment and foreclosed on if I left? Was it not me who was dependent on him to feed, clothe, and shelter my children?

How was I NOT the victim? Over the years, I've had many clients say the same thing to me. I get it. Women get together and vent about how their men mistreat them. They bond in their commiseration. They give each other advice. They don't follow it. Rinse, lather, repeat.....

So what gives? What I've come to think over the years is this: sometimes, you...

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