The Struggle is Real

fear Dec 04, 2019

Have you ever had a moment of clarity/an epiphany/a realization that is immediately replaced by pure gripping fear? What the hell is going on here? Don't we crave clarity? Not so much. I believe we get closer to accepting our truth layer by layer. We dip just a big toe at first until we're ready to plunge our whole bodies. 

What is the very visceral fear all about? It's super deep; I know that much. That's why denial is such a compelling coping mechanism. Lying to ourselves and others about the truth is so much easier than holding the truth. Holding the truth would mean going to the depths of our soul and extracting the pain from the root. No thanks.

I had a moment recently where I felt extreme relief for speaking my truth following by a moment of gripping fear. In trying to understand why I was having an internal battle, I discovered that it takes courage to get to the root of my fear. I would rather lie to myself than risk upsetting the apple cart/the status quo. 

What...

Continue Reading...

Good Vs. Evil

"You are not the victim. You need to change the victim vs. perpetrator dynamic or you'll continue to be disempowered."

This is what my therapist told me after I told her all the terrible things my ex husband did to me. What the actual f*uck?? Was it not me who was locked in the bathroom with my husband at the time banging on the door and cussing me? Was it not me who got her fingers jammed when he wrangled my phone out of them and smashed the phone in the driveway? Was it not me who was threatened to be charged with abandonment and foreclosed on if I left? Was it not me who was dependent on him to feed, clothe, and shelter my children?

How was I NOT the victim? Over the years, I've had many clients say the same thing to me. I get it. Women get together and vent about how their men mistreat them. They bond in their commiseration. They give each other advice. They don't follow it. Rinse, lather, repeat.....

So what gives? What I've come to think over the years is this: sometimes, you...

Continue Reading...

Cat and Mouse

Don't you think that if we could master the cat and mouse game, we'd master relationships? Aren't relationships simply combinations of time together and time apart? Do you know ANYONE who doesn't have issues regarding being intimate and being alone, navigating the whole push/pull dynamic. Yeh, me neither....

What if you could get super close to someone and experience complete trust, unconditional love, and a feeling of security and safety AND not take their boundaries personally and be able to communicate directly and openly about your needs, and encourage the ones you love to take care of themselves too and realize their goals? What an idea!

That, my friends, is called "secure attachment". I don't know anyone who has all of that. Some of it, yes, but not all. Want to know why? We're going to have to dive deep to answer that. 

You've heard of attachment patterns but what you might not realize is that these patterns are established very early on so they run deep and might...

Continue Reading...

Stuck in the Middle

Uncategorized Apr 22, 2019

You know the Serenity Prayer? Here's my take on it: Is this my shit? If yes, can I do something about it? If no, can I accept it? There's another option in there that we choose all the time, mostly unconsciously. It's this: This is not my shit and I can't do anything about it but I will obsess over it and give it all my life energy and wish and pray and hope and try to change this thing that I simply cannot. This is the realm of suffering.

If only we had the wisdom to KNOW what we should be putting our valuable energy into and what we shouldn't. If only we could ACCEPT the cold hard truth about things we wish were different and how we're powerless when we fool ourselves into thinking we have power. It is so complex to be stuck in no man's land.

I'll give you an example. You find yourself in a relationship with someone who believes that love equals pain. Relationships inevitably end in heartbreak and grief and there's no such thing as forever. They believe that the solution to...

Continue Reading...

I've Been Breathing Wrong

I originally wrote this blog in 2016 when I started my apprenticeship at the Posture Studio. It still applies.....enjoy!

You think it's hard to change the way you think? Try changing the way you BREATHE! Or stand, or sit, or walk, or move. I've recently been apprenticing under a posture MASTER. You know how when you watch a master musician play their instrument and it looks like they're channeling some kind of cosmic energy? It's like that when I watch my mentor teach. You see, I love being a perpetual student. When I'm with her, I feel like a sponge and I soak up all her amazing knowledge that she's sharing with me. There's always a next level of knowledge and learning keeps us vibrant and growing all the time.

Anyway, I'm incredibly grateful that this woman has taken me under her wing and here's what I know so far. Every thing I've been conditioned to do physically with my group exercise and personal training certifications is OPPOSITE of what she's teaching me now. Can you...

Continue Reading...

Bless and Release

Did you know that your energy matters more than anything else? Do you know how powerful energy is? Have you heard of people getting sick based on their fears alone? Have you heard of people healing based on their faith alone?

Why do we let other people's energy toxify our own? First of all, we might not recognize that other people are merely projecting their fears onto us and that we're internalizing it. We might recognize it, but we're still not able to NOT take it personally. I have a true solution for you.

When your energy gets polluted, you know the feeling. Something is said or done, you make an association, your nervous system gets triggered, and you're off to the races or down the rabbit hole or off the rails, etc. Now what?

Usually, we scramble at this point. We want back on the rails and out of the rabbit hole but we physiologically cannot get ourselves "clean" again or solid or grounded. So we try to wish the bad feeling away. We apply logic. We talk to ourselves. We...

Continue Reading...

The Dark Side

anxiety depression healing Dec 30, 2018

How did we ever get sold on the idea that we could always have good days and always have good relationships and always be clear headed and say and do all the right things? And why do we make ourselves wrong for feeling down or for saying the wrong thing? How did we come to accept the standard of perfection in all things? What happened to our margin for error?

Don't we know that we need the darkness to have the light? That polarity and contrast create passion? We spend time judging ourselves and others. I have an updated attitude about the dark side. Instead of expecting it to be gone and spending my energy trying to prevent its presence and then feeling like I failed, now I simply acknowledge it and go one step further. I accept its presence because I know that it will pass and really good stuff like clarity, inspiration, wisdom, and creativity are on the other side. I forgive myself for not being "perfect". I once heard that perfection is the lowest standard. I love that.

In...

Continue Reading...

The Abyss

If you're feeling on top of the world and able to identify triggers and projection and not internalize other people's shit, don't read this. If you sometimes feel like you're standing on the edge of an abyss and you're not sure if you're being rational or crazy and your demons and fear are calling to you and you're about to fall into the pit, read this.

Believe me, I try my best to learn as I go, to correct my mistakes, to evolve, to be self aware, to be courageous with my own shit, but try as hard as I can, I find myself in the same patterns. Clearly, the universe is teaching me a lesson. If only it were a little clearer. I'll deal with it, I'll do the work if I just knew what it was that needed getting done.

So let me give you some specifics of my latest teetering on the edge of the abyss. I recognize when someone I'm with gets triggered. By getting triggered, I mean when someone reacts to me in a way that is extreme relative to the reality of the situation. For example, let's say...

Continue Reading...

The Object of my Obsession

addiction fear Oct 04, 2018

Have you ever been obsessed with something that you knew was no good for you? It consumed most of your thoughts. You wanted it from the deepest parts of yourself. You couldn't rationalize your desire or talk yourself out of it. You felt weak because you didn't have control over your desires. You beat yourself up for not being stronger. Yeah, me either.

Let's dig deep down underneath this to unlock the grip. You know the grip right? That visceral feeling of longing, like a moth to a flame, so compelling and unhealthy and so satisfying. This sounds a lot like addiction. When your obsession is an unhealthy vehicle for attaining what you want, it is exactly the same as an addiction. So how do we crack the code, break the cycle, free ourselves from the grip?

There are many ways to do this but I'll give you a simple 3 step resource.

1. First of all, we need to recognize the internal conflict. The body gives you cues. Trapped energy shows up in the body. Do you have a constricted feeling...

Continue Reading...

Commitment and Freedom

I could've easily titled this blog togetherness and space, anxiety and avoidance, close and far, fire and ice, certainty and variety, light and dark, yin and yang, safety and adventure...you get the idea. We want both ends of the spectrum deeply and yet somehow in relationships, we have to reconcile this paradox. We have to hold both in balance.

And who really knows how to manage that balance? I believe that this imbalance is the cause of all the heartbreak. Let's start with when we were growing up. We wanted a safe, predictable, nurturing home life. We needed unconditional love and acceptance. We also wanted to explore, be independent, and feel free. Parents are the first ones who have the deep responsibility to find this balance for their children.

You already know what happens when we're neglected or abused emotionally or physically at home. We learn to link pain with intimacy. We learn that we can't trust people who "love" us. We learn that we have to protect ourselves and not...

Continue Reading...
1 2