Holiday HurtsNov 25, 2021
Do you pretend to have a happy Thanksgiving? Or do the holidays trigger sad memories and unmet expectations? The problem with holidays is that you associate them with strong, emotional memories. The rituals, the smells, the sounds, trigger old feelings like they happened yesterday.
The problem with emotions is that they're not rational and easily understood and dismissed. They come on strong and there's not much you can do to feel at peace or make them go away in that moment. You try to make sense of them, but when your nervous system gets flooded, you literally cannot think rationally.
That's just science. So what gives?
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. My family doesn't celebrate Christmas and Thanksgiving was always the holiday we all came together and enjoyed food and fellowship. I actually really like my family. My family is blended but we were able to all put aside our stuff and share the holidays together.
Then last year, we didn't have Thanksgiving because of covid and I cried and cried and cried. I couldn't believe how much I was grieving that holiday. This year, I'm hosting it, but some of my family members won't be here because not everyone is vaccinated...and that hurts. Also, one of my sons is moving out and the other one is moving out in December. More ouch.
When you have divorces and new relationships, things get even more painful. Who goes where and when do you share holidays? I've also realized that the anticipation and expectation ratchets up the stress level.
So, being the good coach that I am, I got my tool kit out and got to work. Why shove shit aside that's just going to keep coming up? I'll share with you what worked for me.
1. NOTICE that you got triggered, that your nervous system got hijacked. If you can slip that one piece of awareness in there, you can buy yourself that wedge, that little bit of space between you and the flood of emotions.
2. ALLOW yourself to FEEL the FEELINGS. Yes, I said it. Don't shove it away, deny it, dismiss it, distract yourself. Just for a few minutes, go somewhere by yourself and FEEL. I promise it won't kill you. It will wash through you like a wave.
You don't have to understand it, get clarity, figure it out to dispel it. You just have to be aware and then allow yourself to feel. Strengthen your ability to FEEL.
Where did you come up with the idea that you need to always be in control?
What will you lose if you allow yourself to be confused and unresolved and messy?
When covid hit, my people needed help and I feel like we're entering another phase of big help needed. The cold weather comes with depression. You retreat back to yourself and sometimes feel very uninspired and lonely. I get it and I can help you navigate through this. You will feel heard, supported, and not alone. I allow you to return to peace.
If you want a guide through this process, I offer you:
🎁 Special holiday rate Coaching Package of 3 Sessions
🍷 Wine & Align ~ A gathering of women to share some time, some wine, and some holiday stress management resources. Join us ❤
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