The Dark Side

anxiety depression healing Dec 30, 2018

How did we ever get sold on the idea that we could always have good days and always have good relationships and always be clear headed and say and do all the right things? And why do we make ourselves wrong for feeling down or for saying the wrong thing? How did we come to accept the standard of perfection in all things? What happened to our margin for error?

Don't we know that we need the darkness to have the light? That polarity and contrast create passion? We spend time judging ourselves and others. I have an updated attitude about the dark side. Instead of expecting it to be gone and spending my energy trying to prevent its presence and then feeling like I failed, now I simply acknowledge it and go one step further. I accept its presence because I know that it will pass and really good stuff like clarity, inspiration, wisdom, and creativity are on the other side. I forgive myself for not being "perfect". I once heard that perfection is the lowest standard. I love that.

In relationships, we can recognize someone else's dark side. We can understand and have compassion and decide if we can vibe with their flavor of darkness. We can hold space and we can take space. But to expect someone else to be vanilla all the time is to set ourselves up for failure. 

We can do our work and be patient with each other. But for God's sake, STOP pushing. Don't make yourself or others wrong for being human. As a matter of fact, we should celebrate the contrast. These are the very things that make heat. And without heat, there's no passion. 

So here's an idea for you to try, when you feel the darkness coming or you see it in someone else, remember this. You ARE capable of sitting in a dirty diaper. It's uncomfortable as fuck, but it will not kill you. Sit in your shit for a hot minute. As soon as you stop fighting, it loses its strength. Sit in the shit. And then make a move when you're calm. 

This is a skill that anyone can develop. Be the rock, the calm in the eye of the storm. Go in when others run. It's counterintiutive but our survival lizard brain only cares about quantity of life, not quality. We have to use our evolved parts for this work. Rise above. The view is beautiful.

Much love,

Heidi

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