You know the Serenity Prayer? Here's my take on it: Is this my shit? If yes, can I do something about it? If no, can I accept it? There's another option in there that we choose all the time, mostly unconsciously. It's this: This is not my shit and I can't do anything about it but I will obsess over it and give it all my life energy and wish and pray and hope and try to change this thing that I simply cannot. This is the realm of suffering.
If only we had the wisdom to KNOW what we should be putting our valuable energy into and what we shouldn't. If only we could ACCEPT the cold hard truth about things we wish were different and how we're powerless when we fool ourselves into thinking we have power. It is so complex to be stuck in no man's land.
I'll give you an example. You find yourself in a relationship with someone who believes that love equals pain. Relationships inevitably end in heartbreak and grief and there's no such thing as forever. They believe that the solution to not experiencing the pain is to get half involved. If a relationship is a hot stove, you're better off putting one hand on the stove rather than both.
And you want both hands. So what do you do? Absolutely everything in your power to convince them that the solution is to choose to go all in knowing that heartbreak is a risk, that you get to swim in pure, intense, deep love if you take the risk. And there's nothing to fear and no way to protect yourself from feeling pain anyway.
And it doesn't work. Couple that with your belief that being alone means being lonely and you are firmly stuck in the middle. Now what? First of all, own your shit. Take a good hard look at what is binding you to the space between, the gap between effectively changing something and letting it go/accepting it, being at peace with what is. (I'll give you a hint. It's usually based in some deeply rooted fear coupled with some false beliefs). Ask yourself: am I willing to address my fears and change my beliefs? If you're not, stop here and don't continue until you are.
If you are willing to address your fears and change your false beliefs, then fucking do it. Pull yourself out of the gap. See clearly that you simply cannot change other people's fears and beliefs. Only they can. And then save yourself.
It feels really good on the other side. In the absence of the friction of living in no man's land is absolute freedom and energy flow. Practice feeling that. I'll meet you there.
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